1000 Ways To Die Christmas Special: Christmas Peril
by TotalDramaRox97
Summary: My Christmas Special of 1000 Ways to die (sorry kinda late)


Ho, ho, ho Merry Christmas. It may be the holidays, but that doesn't lower the death rate or increase the intelligence rate. We have the fake Santa who can't fly, the deacon who is with his idol, the janitor who got nailed, the father whose job is to die for, the Christmas tree freak who takes a ride, and the woman who thought money was everything. Christmas is known for its happiness, but don't be shy. Christmas will still be fun on 1000 Ways to Die.

Date: December 15, 2008  
Chicago, IL

It's Christmas time again and unsurprisingly, malls are crowded. With this major crowding it poses trouble for shoppers, but is a perfect opportunity for thieves like this guy. Meet Terence, he's hoping to win his neighborhood's best Christmas tree contest after losing three years in a row. Reid Needham Christmas Tree Judge: "I judge the tree on three aspects which are quality, creativity, and how much it fits it with the holiday. I hate those overly decorated trees with so many decorations you can't see the tree itself, because you're not showing off the tree anymore; you're showing off the ornaments.

With the grand prize at $250, Terence is willing to do anything, even steal. So far, he's stolen from stores in the mall, from the large Christmas tree behind mall Santa, and from shoppers' bags. He has collected ornaments that gather a monetary value of almost half the grand prize. Terence decides it's time to leave when some of the ornaments he stole start breaking.

As Terence leaves, he hears someone coming. With the fear of getting caught, he dumpster dives into a recently emptied wheelie bin. "Four hours and I finally got this game. My son better appreciate this." She leaves and Terence decides to get out and make a run for his car. One problem, Terence is having a little trouble getting out so he starts rocking back and forth. He's about to get himself out when, (wheels fall off the ledge, Terence falls back in. and it starts rolling down the parking lot) his plan spins out.

Terence goes from the parking lot, into the road. He interrupts traffic nearly causing an accident. (trash can passes an SUV and the driver honks the horn) "Bitch!" He's about to crash into a Christmas tree sales area, when his trip comes to an abrupt end. (wheelie bin hits an abandoned tire, Terence flies out, and he lands on the ground with blood drooling from his mouth) And so does his life. (everyone at the shop starts screaming)

Arielle Macaluso Intensive Care Unit Nurse: "He only fell about three and a half feet, but the momentum he gained from his trip downhill turned it fatal. When he was launched out of his wheelie bin, the momentum he still had caused him to hit the ground with so much force that he broke his skull, broke his ribs, ruptured his spleen, and he died in seconds."

Terence was a man who wanted to make some green. So he tried stealing ornaments to show of sheen. When he made his escape he was sent through the sky. And thanks to this loser, there's a new way to die.

Way to Die #375  
Christmas Throb-le

Date: December 24, 2006  
Richfield, MN

Christmas Eve is often seen as a wonderful time of year. Christmas presents under the tree, spending time with family, and many young children think Santa's coming. (rustling in the bushes) What's that sound? Bad news, it's not jolly old Saint Nick. In fact, it's more like Saint Dick, meet Jedrick. Jedrick is a one night crook who's out to steal the Christmas presents of the family who lives in this house. Kerri Laron Police Officer: "It can be very hard to find certain gifts during the holidays so it's a perfect time for crooks. They will steal other purchase and either keep or sell them. If a bike was on fail for say fifty dollars and a person steals that bike gets stolen the thief can sell that to a desperate enough parent for about three times the cost."

Good news is, Jedrick was as intelligent as snow is black. He fails to pick the lock with a flat head screwdriver. (screwdriver snaps) "Son of a bitch." He tries to break through the windows but this Christmas fanatic family had bells on the windows so he couldn't break in without waking some way up. This gift thief had an idea. (screen centers on the chimney) (Jedrick chuckles) Jedrick decides to do the old Santa down the chimney tactic.

Jedrick start's climbing the house ornaments. "Santa's here" Jedrick is lucky the little kid believes in Santa or he'd be screwed. He's close to the roof and (slips and is hanging by the rain gutter) he's in a predicament he can't win. If he stays there he'll fall off and be caught, and he can't climb to the roof until he sees something out of the corner of his eye. He grabs what he saw. His plan works (thing breaks and he falls off the roof) for about four seconds. What he saw was an old satellite dish the family was too lazy to take down for years and his weight finally caused it to give way.

(Jedrick screams and hits the ground) Jedrick's fall from the roof knocks the wind out of him. The next fall, (Jedrick screams and the satellite dish falls on his face) knocks the life out of him. With the family leaving the satellite dish out for years, the antenna began to erode which eventually created a thin enough tip that when it fell off the roof, the antenna was able to spear his eye, go through his frontal lobe, parietal lobe, and top of his occipital lobe. He died instantly.

One Christmas Eve, a thief had a scheme. Had some troubles and went to extremes. Jedrick's plan failed and took a new route. In the end, Jedrick's ticker ran out.

Way to Die #338  
Christmas Lites

Coming up, we have a janitor who can't handle his own job and someone should tell this woman that money can't buy everything.

Date: December 1, 1989  
Bellevue, NE

Hospitals have their own ways of celebrating Christmas. Usually they hang decorations, lights, ornaments, and a tree. You may think the hospital staff helped do all this. Well you're right, except for the hospital janitor named Finnegan. Finnegan pretends to be competent at his job, but in reality he's no help to anyone. He waits half an hour before coming to help, he leaves the floors to wet and injures people, and he pretends to be a carpenter more often than what his job is. The hospital is planning to fire him after the winter holidays. Mallory Ostermann Cardiologist: "In hospitals, we have to call upon the help of janitors very often. We have patients vomiting; sometimes blood on the floor, and sometimes you'll get the unnecessary surprise."

Finnegan was determined to not get himself fired so he kept trying to help, all in vain. Decorating the tree caused it to topple, spraying fake snow burned his eyes from facing the wrong way, making a Santa suit dyed the white parts red with blood. Finnegan was going back to pretending to be a carpenter, and suddenly he had an idea. He decides to help set up the mistletoe in holly. Everyone refuses to let him set up set up the mistletoe because no one in their right mind would ever lock lips with him, and the holly involved using a nail gun which they all agreed Finnegan was too incompetent to use and it was dangerous. Finnegan decided he would show them how supposedly competent he was.

He's setting up the holly, but he's never used a nail gun. He doesn't even know which direction to hold it in. Instead of asking for help and risk getting caught, he just goes with his gut instinct. Anyone with half a brain should know what happens when you don't know what you are doing with a nail gun. (hits the trigger and flinches) Finnegan had shot himself in the chest. Now he had to get help and quick.

He's on his way to the hospital administrator and is slowly getting weaker. Then, his lung collapses, he collapses, and Finnegan goes to his grave. Mallory Ostermann Cardiologist: "When this man got hit in the chest with the nail, pressure started to build on both the inside and outside of his lung. Soon after, this led to pneumothorax otherwise known as a collapsed lung. This lung was rendered useless and he went into hypoxia which is an inadequate supply of oxygen to the blood and he died."

Finnegan was afraid of losing his job, but in the end, he was fired, he got nailed.

Way to Die #214  
All Nail Christmas

Thx to my friend Jadon for the name of the next victim

Date: December 5, 2009  
Orlando, FL

During Christmas, offices can get very competitive to get a decent Christmas bonus. Most people try to work harder in front of their bosses. Kylie however, she had a different strategy. She believed she could use her looks and her bosses sex drive to get even more money out of him. Believe it or not, Kylie has tried to do this in the past, but it has never worked. In fact it has often gotten her fired. Marissa Bucci Stripper: "I believe many men will pay anything for sex with a woman. Men seem to enjoy seeing us that way and often don't consider how much money they are truly paying."

Kylie is following the boss around like a magnetic leech and the boss finds it harder and harder to resist. Finally he blows. (shows a door with shadow of Kylie and her boss) Kylie has gotten her wish and more. Instead of getting her money in a check, he gives it to her in only cash an insane amount. "Do not tell anyone about this or else you will be fired." Kylie spends the rest of her day playing with her money to make sure no one finds out. She is the last to leave her work place.

On the way home, Kylie has some trouble driving but she just assumes it's because she's sniffing her money while driving. At home, she sits down to count her money. Half way through she starts feeling dizzy. She gets up to call for help, (Kylie starts seeing double vision, see hallucinations, collapses and dies) but it's too late. Gina Donnelly Bankteller: "The process of paying and receiving money is practically endless. Money goes everywhere from stores, pharmacies, sporting goods stores, and even drug dealers"

The drug dealer is where a lot of Kylie's money she received had been handled by drug dealers and was tainted with drug residue. By putting the money so close to her face she inhaled the residue and it accumulated in her system eventually resulting in a heart attack. If she had received less money, she might not have died.

Kylie thought her money could get her anything. Turns out it didn't buy her anything, but it cost herself her life.

Way to Die #189  
Sex-Mess

Coming up, we hate to kill an altar serviceman but we needed another segment, and Christmas is supposed to be a happy time but this man will ruin it.

Date: December 4, 1999  
Newark, NJ

Christmas is when the lord Jesus Christ was born, and with only three weeks away, this Christian church was determined to make sure the Christmas was perfect. The altar service needed extra volunteers and these men and women were happy to help. They were holding a large cross, a Christmas tree, a donation bin for children in need, and more. Unfortunately, there's a criminal in the bunch and his name, is Kristopher.

Kristopher hated Christmas and the fact he was helping the church, but his own greed led him to do something despicable. He's been planning at every altar to embezzle money from the donation bin and turn it into pocket money. His muscles made him perfect for holding the giant cross, but he hated that because it was too far from the bin. (cross is set on the mantle) As the service begins, Kristopher embezzled 15% of the money from the bin. Now he had to find a way to conceal it.

Kristopher panicked; he had no pockets to hold the money and anywhere else it would fall out. He had five minutes before he was asked to speak. He found a place no one would think to look. (gold circle centers on the Christmas tree) Kristopher could easily slip the money in the tree, put an ornament on, and steal it back. His maneuver works until the deacon makes an announcement. "Kristopher, what are you doing?" Kristopher was also an expert liar. "There was a large area with no branches so I want to fix that before we decorated." The deacon believed him. He seemed to have pulled of a perfect heist when, (large cross falls on his head and blood and brain matter splatters on the camera) a cross ironically sends him to the hell he had waiting.

It was his own fault, when setting the cross down, Kristopher was so distracted by the donation bin, he failed to realize he had set the cross with too much hanging over the mantle. Dr. Khyber Zaffarkhan Physical Medicine & Rehab: When this enormous cross collapsed and hit his head, it had so much force that it shattered his skulls, crushed his brain and he died instantly."

Kristopher thought he would make the time of giving the time of getting. In the end, fate gave him an unusual death and he got what he deserved. "Rest in peace Kristopher"

Way to Die #572  
Nazar-death

Date: December 23, 2010  
Small Town, USA

This town has is going to have a Christmas festival like it does annually. All the workers are working hard to make sure this year is fun, especially Anthony. Unlucky for Anthony; his two kids are using his time away to socialize with other kids in their neighborhood. Why is this problematic? Because Anthony is a 60's man and by 60's man we're sugar coating the fact, he's a reverse racist. Amy Chevalier Historian: "The term reverse racism may sound like being against racism, but by definition, reverse racism is just as bad if not worse that racism itself. Racism is when a race is seen as inferior to all others. Reverse racism on the other hand, is where a race is seen as superior to all others, though nowadays we just hear it as racism."

Anthony was all out in it. He wouldn't let his children socialize with anyone that wasn't their race, ate only food his racial background is known for, and chose his wife partially because she was the same race. His children couldn't stand his attitude, but they were afraid of him since if they tried defying him, he would scold and yell at them for two straight hours. His wife has tried to stop him but she is just as intimidated of his wrath as his kids are. Anthony was very good at hiding his reverse racism, that's why his neighbors never complained. Admit it; you can't wait for this guy to die.

It's the night of the Christmas festival and Anthony is working the concession stand. He is very polite to his same race customers. "Thank you, enjoy your time here and have fun." And when his different raced customers aren't listening, he's horribly rude to them. "I hope you choke to death." Anthony realizes it's almost his kid's bedtime, but he doesn't know where they are. He looks around and it doesn't take him long to find them. Once again, they are defying his rules and Anthony loses it. He demands both his kids and the kids they are socializing with to come there. He's so mad he's willing to embarrass his kids in front of the other kids just to get his pointless point through to them. "How many times do I have to tell you that you cannot be talking to complete" (Anthony starts choking) "Daddy, are you okay?" So, you know how I said you wanted this guy to die, well you're getting your wish. The threads of Anthony's scarf got caught in the hot dog rotisserie, and started pulling the rest of the scarf in. With his scarf tied similar to a noose, he is slowly being choked to death.

Naturally, a person can go ten to fifteen seconds being strangled before passing out. Anthony is in second five. He gives one final tug hoping to break free. Something gives out, but it's not the scarf. (crack is heard and Anthony falls and dies) The scarf wasn't just putting pressure against his trachea, but his spinal cord. When Anthony yanked back it finally pulled the scarf so tight that his neck snapped, his spinal cord was severed, and he died.

Anthony was a complete racist. He thought if the only people alive were of his race, the world would be better. The world is a little better now, because Anthony is no longer a part of it.

Way to Die #426  
Dis-Christmas-ation

Coming up, incompetence isn't hot even in this case

Date: November 19, 2005  
Toy Factory, WI

Black Friday is coming soon, and like most toy factories, this one was busy as a beehive. They were falling behind schedule because of a lack of workers. Kaylee Freeman CEO: "Black Friday is the best time for sales. The name comes from the profit colors. Red means you're in debt and black means you are making a profit. The term Black Friday comes from how stores go out of the red zone and into the black due to the Christmas season starting." The owner was so desperate, he hired this guy Kendall. He is a last bum who lives on his mom's couch and he only got this job to avoid eviction and he lied to get into it.

He was already proving incompetent at this job. He was inadequately stuffing the teddy bears, was missing parts in the toy cars, and was mixing and mismatching the building blocks. He was arrogantly confident he was doing better than everyone and will get paid higher. "Too bad you aren't as good as me, the boss loves me." In actuality, the boss loathes him and is thinking of firing him. In desperation to keep the factory running, one coworker decides to have Kendall bring him something. "I need you to get me some of the tools from the blue box."

Kendall thought it was an easy job, but when he entered the room he saw several blue boxes. Without knowing which to choose, he did what he does a lot. He chose one at complete random. The one he picks he has trouble with because it's locked. A normal person would realize that it's locked for a reason. Kendall however, he decided to try to break the box open with a hammer, nail and saw. He places the large framing nail against the box and hits it with a hammer. The nail burns him and Kendall stupidly pulls the nail out. (red liquid spews out of vat and all over Kendall he tries to escape but slips, continues to get covered and dies) The coworker said the blue box not the blue vat. The blue vat contained molten iron the workers had forgotten to get rid of.

Adrian Garner Metal Worker: "In its liquid state, molten metals are very dangerous. Some can be temperatures over 3000 degrees. If it makes skin contact it will destroy skin, burn organs, and cause blood cell death and you'll die very quickly."

As we come to a close in this special episode of 1000 Ways to Die, let's say a few final words. Kendall, you may have thought you were hot stuff now you're dead from hot stuff.

Way to Die #891  
Santa Flawed


End file.
